Have you ever had a conversation where you immediately realized that what you said was not just wrong, but it goes against everything that composes the core of your own personal “why” for how you live your life?
All of us have said something we regret. We’ve said something hurtful in the passion of the moment. We’ve been bombarded afterwards by the “should’s” – I “should” have said _______. We’ve made misstatements or lies to protect reputations and avoid potential pain.
What I am referring to is giving advice that sounds good but is ultimately toxic. It’s like sweet honey that goes down smooth but is filled with cyanide. I had one of those moments this past Sunday.
A conversation came up about my varied career background, specifically my time as a hunting and fishing guide in Alaska. Both of the guys I was talking to expressed interest in going up there and I encouraged them to do so while they were still “young” and single. As I walked away, I left them with this little nugget of cyanide laced honey for them to digest, “You are only here for a short time. Make it fun.”
On the surface, that statement seems rather innocuous at worst, good advice at best. You can choose to be miserable or you can choose to be happy. You can choose to go through your daily grind with an emotionless sense of obligation or you can choose to find the “fun” in the mundane. You can choose the path you feel you “ought” (what seems easiest/obvious) or you can choose to do something with the potential for a bit more adventure.
So, what’s my problem with my parting comment? I’m going to spare you the long history of my reasoning because I believe it was summed up rather succinctly this past Sunday when Chris Hodges stood in front of us at Church of the Highlands and said, “What we do for ourselves, dies with us. What we do for others, lives beyond us.”
When I tell someone that life is short, so have fun, all I am saying is, get what you can while the sun is shining, because it doesn’t last. My statement to live it up while you can is completely contrary to my personal “why” that governs my life. I have been given and have developed certain skills, gifts, and abilities that are not meant for me to simply invest in my own enjoyment. They are meant for others. I have them so that I can give them away.
You’re going to die relatively soon, so have fun while you can. That’s a terrible mantra. There is nothing life-giving about that purpose.
You’re going to die relatively soon, so invest generously while you can. That’s more like it. THAT is a purpose that continues to give life far beyond my time here on this earth. (It also happens to be a ton of fun…)
You do have a choice to make every day. It’s a choice that goes beyond the daily grind, yet has immediate impact on it. It can be all about you or it can be about others. It’s not a decision about choosing to be happy or miserable. It’s not a choice about career paths, which school to attend, or where to invest your money. It’s a choice that ultimately impacts every bit of all of it. When you choose to serve others, to have an impact that goes beyond you, the rest of those choices don’t simply have the volume turned down on them; they seem to just fall in line. The “what” and the “how” of every one of those decisions falls in line with your “why”.
May we all live lives where our “whys” are vastly bigger than ourselves.