It Doesn’t Define Me

I want you to meet Tyler.  I met him at The Foundry’s car lot while leading a small group I formed in order to give cars away to single mothers and others in need.  During one of my visits there, I decided to stick around and hang out.  Tyler started to share his story…

His story started in Tennessee.  Like most of the men at The Foundry, he battled drug and alcohol addiction between his stints in jail/prison.  Fortunately, after his last arrest, he ran into a judge that agreed to take a risk and let him come down to Bessemer, Alabama for a year to enter the program.

Up to this point in our conversation, I was not surprised by anything he said.  I had seen it, heard it, watched it happen to friends.  I’m not suggesting his story was received as trivial – it just wasn’t “new.”  At any given point, there are over 100 men at The Foundry with a similar story.  That’s part of the reason why that program works, because the folks there are brought into a community of people walking the same journey and are able to encourage each other.

But Tyler then said something I did not expect to hear.  “Yeah, man.  I’m never going to another AA meeting ever again.”

I asked, “Why’s that?”

“At every meeting, when you say your name, they make you say, ‘Hi.  My name is Tyler, and I’m an alcoholic.’ They have this belief that once you are an alcoholic, you are always a recovering alcoholic.  But that’s not what defines me anymore.  The only thing that gets to define me anymore is Jesus.”    #mindbomb

Point #1: You do not get to define yourself.  As much as we try to control our image online, in our workplaces, in our relationships, we cannot define ourselves.  We can encourage others to see us in a specific light or interpret our actions a certain way, but just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, just like every word in the dictionary, the definition is at the discernment of the definer.

You don’t have to look any further than the current political climate to see this principle in full effect.  Every politician spends an inordinate amount of time and money to have themselves seen in a certain way, their actions interpreted “correctly,” their message realized and understood by the masses.  No matter how much they spend or invest, their words and actions will be subject to the definition of the person hearing/watching.  Everyone is much more eager to apply their definition to that person and have their definition be the one that sticks than they are to actually listen and understand a different point of view.

Point #2: You get to choose what/who defines you.  You may not be able to define yourself, but you have a choice of what or who gets to define you.  In Tyler’s case, Alcoholics Anonymous wants to say he is going to forever be a recovering alcoholic.  While, that may be true, it may be accurate, it is not what he is choosing to let define him.  It could, if he were to let it.  They are just one of the hundreds of voices attempting to make their definition stick.  But, he’s chosen to allow a much bigger thing define him, Jesus.

No, there is not going to be an “alter call” at the end of this blog, but the question must still be asked.

What are you allowing to define you?

Choose wisely.  It matters.  Whatever that thing is, you WILL believe it.  It will become the filter through which you look at the world and everything and everyone in it.  You will act on it.  You will, not because you are a victim or a leaf tossed about by the wind, but because you have made a conscious choice that you believe with every fiber in your body; and that thing is the only voice you can hear.  It’s the only one you WANT to hear.